Tourists

by Robert Bovington

Tourists are easiest to spot in winter - especially the North European variety. Whilst we expats, who have acclimatised ourselves to warmer climes, don our cardigans and warm trousers, the tourists from northern areas of the continent wear shorts.

The Germans tend to garb themselves in matching 'his and hers' calf-length shorts with lots of pockets. The British opt for both the shorts and shirts of their local football team or, if they are really sad, Manchester United colours even if they hail from Plymouth or Newcastle! Sometimes, three generations of the family will wear the same team colours which looks really stupid on grandad who needs an XXL sized top to cover his enormous beer-gut! I've even seen a whole family, including mother and daughter, sporting replica shirts! Then there are the really fashion conscious who wear socks and sandals with their too short shorts!

The Spanish tourists in winter are usually retired folk from Northern Spain. They are easily spotted - usually in groups of four - two male and two female. They are usually about five feet tall and walk four abreast at about two hundred metres per hour. It is difficult to overtake them however unless you are brave enough to step in the road and risk being catapulted into the air (see blog post on Driving).

In summer it is more difficult to distinguish tourists from residents. However we always know when Spanish tourists are staying nearby - they are the ones who are making a racket at 4-o'clock in the morning and stopping the rest of us from sleeping!